Fatwa No. 14

Question:

I am an eighteen-year-old young woman — praise be to Allah. I know that any feelings toward any man who is marriageable to me are considered forbidden (ḥarām). However, I have a problem: I have a male colleague at university whom I happened to see once by chance, and I felt something toward him. I did not, however, look at him again after that nor speak to him, because I know that is forbidden — and praise be to Allah.

Yet I cannot stop thinking about him and wondering whether he may one day become my husband. I feel that this is forbidden, and I have tried many times to turn myself away from this line of thinking, but I cannot — I stop for a while and then return to the same thoughts. What should I do?

Especially recently, I have noticed that another person our neighbour  has an interest in me. Likewise, I neither look at him nor speak to him, but I think about him. I do not know what to do. I feel distressed. I look down upon myself greatly, yet I cannot stop these thoughts — and I feel the burden of sin.

Answer:

Al-ḥamdu lillāhi rabb al-ʿālamīn. To proceed:

The feeling produced by a sudden and unexpected glance (naẓrat al-fujāʾah) one that did not arise from deliberately prolonging the gaze or from wilfully courting emotion through the reckless behaviour to which heedless and careless young people resort  carries no sin and is not objectionable.

For pure human feelings in themselves are not a subject of accountability and reckoning before Allah  Exalted and Majestic. What a person is accountable for is: what led to those feelings, what accompanied them, and what followed from them in terms of conduct and behaviour  for it is these that fall within the sphere of blame and divine reckoning. Moreover, Allah has pardoned this ummah for whatever thoughts and feelings the soul harbours within itself, so long as they are not acted upon and not spoken aloud  as recorded by al-Bukhārī in Kitāb al-Riqāq. ¹

Turn your attention away from following this line of thinking about the young man. Ask Allah  Glorified and Exalted  to decree goodness for you wherever it may be, to make its means easy for you, and to carry you toward what is most praiseworthy in His sight and most beautiful in its outcome (wa-an yaḥmilaaki fī aḥmad al-umūr ʿindahu wa-ajmalihā ʿāqibah).

Occupy yourself with the remembrance of Allah (adhkār), the recitation of the Quran, the companionship of religiously committed women, and participation in beneficial and righteous deeds  for when a person does not occupy his soul with what is right and true, it will occupy him with what is false and vain.

I hope that your eyes will be comforted and gladdened, by the permission of Allah.

And Allah Most High knows best.

Footnotes

(1) Muttafaq ʿalayh  recorded by al-Bukhārī in Kitāb al-Riqāq, chapter “The Heart and Its Subtleties”; and by Muslim in Kitāb al-Īmān, chapter “If a Person Intends a Good Deed or a Bad Deed”  on the authority of Abū Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him): “Indeed, Allah has pardoned my ummah for whatever their souls whisper to them, so long as they do not act upon it or speak it aloud.”