Fatwa No. 15 

Question:

There is a young man with me at university. I feel that he is attracted to me from the way he glances at me  and I am attracted to him as well. But I do not know what to do.

Answer:

Al-ḥamdu lillāhi rabb al-ʿālamīn. To proceed:

Exchanging glances in this manner is not permissible. For your Lord  Exalted and Majestic  has said:

“And tell the believing women to lower their gazes and guard their private parts, and not to display their adornment except what ordinarily appears of it. And let them draw their headcovers over their chests and not display their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husbands’ fathers, or their sons, or their husbands’ sons, or their brothers, or their brothers’ sons, or their sisters’ sons, or their women, or those their right hands possess, or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women. And let them not stamp their feet to make known what they conceal of their adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers, that you might succeed.” (al-Nūr 24:31) ¹

Based on this: if this young man is serious about committing to you, let him enter houses through their doors  let him come forward and formally propose to your family through the proper family channels. Otherwise, close the door on this matter entirely and occupy yourself with beneficial knowledge and righteous deeds.

Every future matter will have its proper response in its time.

Know that patience is attained through practising patience, and forbearance is attained through practising forbearance ² and whoever strives for chastity, Allah will grant him chastity. ³

And Allah Most High knows best.

Footnotes

(1) Sūrat al-Nūr (24:31) the complete verse on the obligation of lowering the gaze and guarding modesty, cited in full from the Shaykh’s dictated text. The preceding verse (24:30) addresses the same obligation for believing men.

(2 & 3) Muttafaq ʿalayh  recorded by al-Bukhārī in Kitāb al-Zakāh, chapter “Refraining from Begging,” ḥadīth no. 1469; and by Muslim in Kitāb al-Zakāh, chapter “The Virtue of Chastity and Patience,” ḥadīth no. 1053  on the authority of Abū Saʿīd al-Khudrī (may Allah be pleased with him): that some people from the Anṣār asked the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) and he gave them; then they asked him again and he gave them; then they asked him again and he gave them  until what he had was exhausted. Then he said:

“Whatever good I have, I will never withhold it from you. And whoever strives for chastity, Allah will make him chaste. And whoever strives to be self-sufficient, Allah will make him self-sufficient. And whoever strives to be patient, Allah will grant him patience. And no one has ever been given a gift better and more expansive than patience.”