Question:
I and a young man are in love, and my mind has become incapable of thinking of anything but him so I have become completely addicted . However, I fear that he may not be destined for me. How can I free myself from this attachment?
Answer:
Al-ḥamdu lillāhi rabb al-ʿālamīn. To proceed:
I ask Allah to unite you both, my dear daughter, in His obedience — through the lawful marriage that Allah and His Messenger have made permissible.
Know, O servant of Allah, that it is not permissible for you to be in contact in this manner with a young man who is not bound to you by a marital tie or a bond of unmarriageability (maḥramiyyah). Your addiction to communication with him before formal engagement and marriage contract is something that displeases Allah and His Messenger,and I fear that it will bring upon you misfortune and regret whose wounds you will endure until Allah wills, and you will not be able to rid yourself of its effects unless Allah wills.
If he is sincere, let him come forward to propose to you at once. If he is accepted as a suitor, a path to your meeting will have been properly laid — and then the marriage contract should be hastened, for no remedy has been found for those in love like marriage. (1)
If Allah does not decree that, then know: letting go and giving up hope is one of the two forms of relief. Your separation from him is not the end of the world, and it will not cause the sun to rise from the west.
Know also that everything is born small and then grows — except calamities, for they are born large and then diminish. And: whoever seeks chastity, Allah will grant him chastity; and whoever strives for patience, Allah will grant him patience. (2)
The summary is this: Take the lawful path. Let him come forward and propose. If it is accepted — praise be to Allah , by Whose grace righteous things are brought to completion. If it is otherwise — praise be to Allah in every circumstance. Among people there are substitutes , and in letting go there is rest. Know that Allah’s choice for you is better than your choice for yourself.How many matters has a servant been attached to and insisted upon requesting, only for the cover to be lifted, making it clear that withholding it from him was the very essence of giving and pure mercy to him from Allah, Glory be to Him! Therefore, a servant should never doubt Allah Almighty in anything He has decreed for him.
It was said to Yaḥyā ibn Muʿādh (may Allah have mercy on him): ‘When does a servant reach the station of contentment (maqām al-riḍā)?’ He replied: ‘When he settles himself upon four principles in his dealings with his Lord — saying: if You give me, I accept; if You withhold from me, I am content; if You leave me, I worship; and if You call me, I respond.’ (3)
And Allah Most High knows best.
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Footnotes (Takhrīj):
(1) Recorded by Ibn Mājah no. 1847 — on the authority of Ibn ʿAbbās (may Allah be pleased with them both). Authenticated by al-Albānī in Ṣaḥīḥ Ibn Mājah no. 1847.
(2) Agreed upon — al-Bukhārī no. 1469; Muslim no. 1053 — on the authority of Abū Saʿīd al-Khudrī (may Allah be pleased with him).
(3) Attributed to Yaḥyā ibn Muʿādh al-Rāzī (may Allah have mercy on him). Recorded in Abū Nuʿaym, Ḥilyat al-Awliyāʾ (10/51) and Ibn al-Qayyim, Madārij al-Sālikīn (2/176).
