Fatwa No. 26

Question:

What is the ruling on communication between two prospective spouses before a formal proposal for engagement has been made?

Answer:

Al-ḥamdu lillāhi rabb al-ʿālamīn. To proceed:

Engagement (khiṭbah) is the request for marriage and the mutual promise to pursue it. It does not require a specific verbal formula; rather, it is established by whatever customary practice (ʿurf) recognises as indicating it.

Even when an engagement has taken place, it does not constitute a marriage — it is merely a preliminary step preceding it. It therefore establishes none of the rights of the marital bond, carries no financial obligations, and renders nothing permissible that was otherwise forbidden in the relationship between the two parties.

The engaged woman (al-makhṭūbah) remains a legal stranger (ajnabiyyah) until the marriage contract (ʿaqd) is concluded. There is no objection to communication with propriety (bi-l-maʿrūf) between her and her suitor — with the knowledge and permission of her guardians (awliyāʾ) — provided the conversation is serious and free from the soft speech, affection, and playful intimacy characteristic of married couples.

As for you, my dear daughter — you have not yet even reached the stage of engagement. Why then the communication from the outset, when there is not yet any engagement between you? Be gentle with yourselves, take your time, and be patient — for whatever is destined to come is near.

And Allah Most High knows best.