Fatwa No. 32 — p. 58

Question:

A young man and a young woman wish to marry. However, prior to agreeing upon marriage, they agreed to get to know one another through study halls, the library, the cafeteria, and other

public settings — without ever being in seclusion together. Once they are convinced to proceed, they will seek their families’ approval to conclude the marriage contract. What is the ruling of the pure Sharīʿah on such a relationship — one whose purpose is to confirm mutual compatibility before embarking upon an experience whose outcome only Allah knows?

Answer:

Al-ḥamdu lillāhi rabb al-ʿālamīn. To proceed:

The legitimacy of a suitor looking at his prospective bride is established by the pure Sunnah and confirmed by the consensus (ijmāʿ) of the scholars.

The Sunnah points to this legitimacy through the ḥadīth of Sahl ibn Saʿd — that a woman came to the Messenger of Allah ( صلى الله عليه وسلم) and said: “O Messenger of Allah, I have come to offer myself to

you.” The Messenger of Allah ( صلى الله عليه وسلم) looked at her, casting his gaze upward and downward, then

lowered his head. When the woman saw that he had made no decision concerning her, she sat down. (1)

And through the ḥadīth of Abū Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said: “I was with the Prophet ( صلى الله عليه وسلم) when a man came and informed him that he had married a woman from the

Anṣār. The Messenger of Allah ( صلى الله عليه وسلم) said to him: ‘Did you look at her?’ He said: ‘No.’ He said:

‘Go and look at her — for there is something in the eyes of the Anṣār.'” (2)

And through the ḥadīth of al-Mughīrah ibn Shuʿbah (may Allah be pleased with him) — that he proposed to a woman, and the Prophet ( صلى الله عليه وسلم) said to him: “Look at her — for it is more likely to

produce affection and harmony between you.” (3)

The scholars have reached consensus on the foundational legitimacy of looking at the prospective bride, even as there is disagreement regarding the extent of what the suitor may look upon.

While we affirm the legitimacy of engagement and the permissibility of each of the two parties looking at the other — as this is more conducive to affection and harmony between them, as the aḥādīth explicitly state — we equally affirm that the engaged woman (al-makhṭūbah) remains a legal stranger (ajnabiyyah). It is not permissible for her suitor to see her uncovered (mutajarridah), to be in seclusion (khalwah) with her, or to travel with her without a maḥram — for none of this becomes permissible except through the conclusion of the marriage contract, and the scholars are unanimously agreed upon this.

Numerous official fatāwā have been issued by dār al-iftāʾ institutions across the Muslim world affirming this. Among them: the Egyptian Dār al-Iftāʾ issued a fatwā during the tenure of Shaykh Ḥasan Maʾmūn confirming the legitimacy of the suitor seeing his prospective bride in the presence of one of her maḥārim, and reiterating the prohibition of his being in seclusion with her or going out with her alone — as some young people do today — and that this is a matter upon which the Muslims are unanimously agreed in its prohibition, for she remains a legal stranger until the marriage contract is concluded between them. (4)

A further fatwā was issued during the tenure of Shaykh Ḥasanayn Makhlūf, when he was asked: “Is it permissible for one who has proposed to a woman to go out alone with her to the cinema or similar places, or to be in seclusion with her without supervision from her family?” He answered: “This woman is a legal stranger to her suitor, and seclusion with her before the marriage contract is forbidden by the Sharīʿah. It is therefore not permissible for them to do so — it is one of the pathways to corruption in society, and taking it lightly is a harbinger of grave evil. Many dangerous consequences have resulted from it — let Muslims beware of this and stand at the limits of Allah and His laws.” (5)

As for getting to know the prospective bride’s character and temperament, and confirming her suitability in conduct and spirit — the foundational principle regarding this is permissibility, for it leads to the endurance of companionship and harmony between the two parties. This should, however, be accomplished through: learning about the prevailing traits within her family; asking those who are trustworthy in their transmission and understanding, among those who have direct knowledge of her; and through direct mutual family visits and direct conversation with the prospective bride — without seclusion or suspicious circumstances. All of this must be limited to what achieves the benefit and fulfils the need — for what is permitted on account of need ought to be measured accordingly. And it must always be accompanied by the established principle: that she remains a legal stranger to him, that it is not permissible for him to touch her or be in seclusion with her, and that taking this lightly is among the greatest pathways to corruption. How many families have suffered misery from such negligence — paying a price in their dignity and the chastity of their daughters that the passing of days cannot erase?

If the presence of one of the woman’s maḥārim is not possible — whether because she is a new Muslim with no Muslim maḥram, or because she has been separated from her maḥārim in these lands for one reason or another — and there is a genuine need to know her better beyond what a fleeting glance or brief encounter can achieve — then there is no objection to this taking place through a Muslim family that hosts the meeting, whereby seclusion and suspicious circumstances are eliminated, and both parties may attain the certainty and reassurance they seek.

As for private conversation through public meetings in libraries, study halls, and dining areas — as described in the question — this falls among the steps of Shayṭān and the pathways to sin. It may open the door to those who are frivolous and those in whose hearts is disease. It should therefore not be expanded upon in a manner that leads to what is forbidden. If a need for it arises due to the total absence of an alternative, it must take place in the presence of those of religion and uprightness whose presence eliminates suspicion — for that is more God-fearing before Allah and purer for the hearts of both parties.

And Allah Most High knows best.

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Footnotes (Takhrīj)

(1) Muttafaq ʿalayh — al-Bukhārī in Kitāb al-Nikāḥ, chapter “Looking at a Woman Before Marriage,” ḥadīth no. 5126; and Muslim in Kitāb al-Nikāḥ, chapter “The Dowry and the Permissibility of It Being the Teaching of Quran, an Iron Ring, or Other Things Whether Little or Much,” ḥadīth no. 1425 — on the authority of Sahl ibn Saʿd al-Sāʿidī (may Allah be pleased with him).

(2) Muslim in Kitāb al-Nikāḥ, chapter “The Recommendation of Looking at the Face and Hands of a Woman One Wishes to Marry,” ḥadīth no. 1424 — on the authority of Abū Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him).

(3) Recorded by Aḥmad in his Musnad (4/244), ḥadīth no. 18162; al-Tirmidhī in Kitāb al-Nikāḥ, chapter “What Has Come Regarding Looking at the Woman One Wishes to Propose To,” ḥadīth no. 1087; al-Nasāʾī in Kitāb al-Nikāḥ, chapter “The Permissibility of Looking Before Marriage,” ḥadīth no. 3235; and al-Dārimī in Kitāb al-Nikāḥ, chapter “The Dispensation of Looking at a Woman at the Time of Proposal,” ḥadīth no. 2172 — on the authority of al-Mughīrah ibn Shuʿbah (may Allah be pleased with him). Al-Tirmidhī said: “Ḥasan ḥadīth.” Al-Kanānī cited it in Miṣbāḥ al-Zujājah (2/100) and said: “This chain is sound; its narrators are trustworthy.” Al-Albānī cited it in al-Silsilah al-Ṣaḥīḥah, ḥadīth no. 96.

(4) Fatwā of the Egyptian Dār al-Iftāʾ issued on 7 Shaʿbān 1376 AH / 9 March 1957 CE, during the tenure of Shaykh Ḥasan Maʾmūn.