Fatwa No. 29

Question:

May Allah grant you happiness in both abodes. This is a question from my son — may Allah bless you:

He wishes to marry, and has informed people of religion and trust so that they may assist him in finding a suitable and righteous wife. One person recommended a young woman living in Canada. My son created a shared email account between himself and his elder sister on one side, and the young woman and her sister on the other. They corresponded via email on several occasions, and each party asked all the necessary questions to determine whether they are compatible in nature and temperament.

Matters are proceeding well so far. They spoke once via FaceTime so that each could see the other — and praise be to Allah, both have accepted one another’s appearance and nature.

Here the question arises: we seek your guidance, Shaykh, on the proper Islamic method — one that pleases Allah — for continuing this relationship until the borders between us and Canada reopen, as they have been closed due to the COVID-19 pandemic. How should we handle this matter?

There is a preliminary acceptance from both sides — but what is the correct and Islamic lawful way to continue this relationship? If we say they may speak by phone, what are the governing parameters? Is FaceTime permissible before the marriage contract is concluded? And how should we as parents handle this matter?

It should be noted that the young woman’s father currently lives in an Arab country due to work and is likewise unable to travel until the borders reopen — however, he is fully aware of what is taking place and has given his consent.

We ask for a detailed clarification. May Allah preserve you and watch over you.

Answer:

Al-ḥamdu lillāhi rabb al-ʿālamīn. To proceed:

The Personal Status Document of the Assembly of Muslim Jurists of America (AMJA) states the following regarding engagement: (1)

“Engagement (khiṭbah) is the request for marriage and the mutual promise to pursue it. It does not require a specific verbal formula; rather, it is established by whatever customary practice (ʿurf) recognises as indicating it. It is not considered a marriage contract, but rather a preliminary step preceding it. It therefore establishes none of the rights of the marital bond, carries no financial obligations, and renders nothing permissible that was otherwise forbidden in the relationship between the two parties.

The foundational principle is that a woman is proposed to directly or through one of her relatives. It is also permissible for a woman to propose herself to a righteous man or to his agent when the need arises.

For a proposal to be valid, the woman must be free of any impediments to marriage and must not already be committed to another suitor.

Each of the two prospective spouses may look at the other’s face and hands, and converse with one another within proper bounds (bi-l-maʿrūf) without seclusion (khalwah). The woman’s permission or prior knowledge is not a prerequisite for the suitor’s gaze.”

There is therefore no objection to corresponding within proper bounds in the presence of a third party — as you have done. You have acted commendably in this, may Allah bless you.

Likewise, there is no objection to direct communication within proper bounds — whether by phone or by video — provided it takes place in a setting witnessed by others, for this is purer for the hearts of both parties. Modern technology has facilitated precisely this in our contemporary reality — and to Allah belongs all praise.

If you hasten the conclusion of the marriage contract (ʿaqd al-nikāḥ), that would be even better — for it removes all parties from these constraints entirely.

And Allah Most High knows best.

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Footnotes (Takhrīj):

(1) Resolution of the Assembly of Muslim Jurists of America (AMJA), Personal Status Document on Engagement (Wathīqat al-Aḥwāl al-Shakhṣiyyah: al-Khiṭbah) — cited verbatim across four articles. Available at amjaonline.com. The Shaykh draws upon this resolution in multiple fatāwā of this chapter, reflecting his role as a founding member of AMJA and his direct contribution to the formulation of these resolutions.