Fatwa No. 28

Question:

What is the ruling on online chatting between a young man and a young woman for the purpose of getting to know one another prior to engagement — with the knowledge of the family?

Answer:

Al-ḥamdu lillāhi rabb al-ʿālamīn. To proceed:

Engagement (khiṭbah), as stated in the resolution of the Assembly of Muslim Jurists of America (AMJA), is defined as follows:

“Article 1: Engagement is the request for marriage and the mutual promise to pursue it. It does not require a specific verbal formula; rather, it is established by whatever customary practice (ʿurf) recognises as indicating it. It is not considered a marriage contract, but rather a preliminary step preceding it. It therefore establishes none of the rights of the marital bond, carries no financial obligations, and renders nothing permissible that was otherwise forbidden in the relationship between the two parties.” (1)

Each of the two prospective spouses may look at the other to the extent that encourages acceptance of the marriage — and the majority of scholars (jumhūr ahl al-ʿilm) have specified this as the face and the two hands. (2) There is no objection to conversation between them within proper bounds (bi-l-maʿrūf).

All of this, however, must take place without seclusion (khalwah), without any suspicious circumstances, and without physical contact between them — for the engaged woman remains a legal stranger (ajnabiyyah) to her suitor.

And Allah Most High knows best.

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Footnotes (Takhrīj):

(1) Resolution of the Assembly of Muslim Jurists of America (AMJA) on engagement (khiṭbah), Article 1 — cited verbatim from the Shaykh’s source text. Available at amjaonline.com.

(2) The restriction of the permissible gaze to the face and hands represents the position of the majority across the four schools of jurisprudence:

— Ḥanafī: Ibn ʿĀbidīn, Ḥāshiyat Ibn ʿĀbidīn (6/369–370): “He may look at a non-maḥram woman — even if she is a non-Muslim — at her face and hands only… and likewise one who intends to marry her.”

— Mālikī: Mukhtaṣar Khalīl (p. 96): “It is recommended for one who needs and intends marriage to look at a virgin’s face and hands only, with her knowledge.” See also al-Dardīr, al-Sharḥ al-Kabīr with the Ḥāshiyah of al-Dasūqī (2/215): “His words ‘and look at her face and hands’ — meaning at the time of the proposal.”

— Shāfiʿī: al-Nawawī, Minhāj al-Ṭālibīn wa-ʿUmdat al-Muftīn (p. 204): “When he intends to marry her, it is recommended that he look at her before the proposal even without her permission; he may repeat his gaze, but may not look beyond the face and hands.”

— Ḥanbalī: al-Inṣāf (8/16–19): “A narration from him [Imām Aḥmad]: he may look at the face and hands only — related by Ibn ʿAqīl, and cited by some as a stated position.”