Fatwa No. 20

Question:

My respected Shaykh — my problem is an extremely difficult one, very difficult indeed. In brief, it involves a major disagreement between me and my entire family regarding my marriage to a young woman from outside the country in which my family lives. The details are as follows:

My family has lived in Libya for more than thirty years — my siblings and I were born and raised there — but our original roots are from Tunisia. By virtue of our long stay there, we obtained Libyan citizenship. My family currently consists of five daughters and four sons, and I am the fifth child. Two of my sisters and my eldest brother have married. I am thirty-five years old and have not yet married, owing to my personal conviction against marrying from Libya.

About a year ago I came to my homeland Tunisia, and Allah granted me success in securing good employment. Allah decreed that I come to know a young woman at the same workplace — beautiful in character and appearance, wearing ḥijāb, and from a respectable family. We fell deeply in love and agreed to marry.

When I wished to inform my mother and family of this matter, they refused emphatically and shut every door before me. I tried every possible means to convince them — to no avail. They even refused to see her photograph on the internet.

I swear by Allah that my condition deteriorates every day from the intensity of thinking and preoccupation with this difficult problem. If I comply with my family’s wishes, the young woman will be shattered and I will have wronged her — for I caused her to love me, and this is something neither I nor the Islamic religion can accept, and Allah knows best. As for me, separation from her is impossible. I have no choice but to seek your guidance after Allah — Exalted and Majestic — in this dilemma. My hope in you is great. I wish you to guide me to what is good for me in my religion and my worldly life. Will my marriage to this young woman anger Allah? Or do you have a fatwā on this matter? May Allah grant you success.

Answer:

Al-ḥamdu lillāhi rabb al-ʿālamīn. To proceed:

Strive earnestly to convince your parents of this proposal, and seek the means to reach them through those they trust — from among the people of knowledge and religion, or from among those of respected social standing. Ask Allah to open their hearts to this matter, to unite their hearts upon it, and to make them content with it.

If you reach a dead end — having exhausted all your efforts — and you are as you describe in your attachment to this young woman and your determination to marry her, then their obedience is not binding upon you in this matter, so long as the young woman is of good character and religious commitment. Allah will subsequently open your parents’ hearts to bless this matter, if Allah wills. Seek help in attaining this through supplication in the pre-dawn hours (duʿāʾ al-asḥār) and prayer in the night while people sleep.

Know that a son is not obligated to obey his parents in marrying a woman he does not want — just as he is not obligated to divorce a righteous wife at their command. Likewise, if they forbid him from marrying a specific woman without a legitimate Islamic justification — merely out of stubbornness — their obedience is not binding in that case, especially when the son would be harmed by abandoning the marriage to this woman.

It remains to remind you that the engagement — or the resolve toward it — does not render permissible what is otherwise forbidden in the relationship between the two parties. The engaged woman remains a legal stranger (ajnabiyyah) to you — it is not permissible for you to engage in romantic speech (mughāzalah) with her, to stir her emotions, or to be alone with her (khalwah). Fear Allah in this, so that Allah may bless you in your matter.

We ask Allah to grant us and you success.

And Allah Most High knows best.