Fatwa No. 19 

Question:

I am a student in my final year at university. I came to know a young woman and fell in love with her. We agreed to seek the pleasure of Allah and that I would not enter the house except through its proper door. I have not spoken to her for three months — as we agreed in order to please Allah — but I miss her greatly and naturally wish to speak to her.

I asked my family to accompany me to formally propose to her, but they refused — despite the fact that I have sufficient funds from my holiday work to cover the engagement expenses. They refuse on the grounds that I am still young, saying we will go with you after you graduate from university.

Please help me. I want chastity and the pleasure of Allah — and I am capable of proposing now. When I told my mother that I could go alone to propose so as not to embarrass them, she refused and began speaking of me as a disobedient and unrighteous son.

Can you, our Shaykh, intercede on my behalf with my family and convince them? Or do you see it as permissible for me to go forward with the proposal without their approval?

Answer:

Al-ḥamdu lillāhi rabb al-ʿālamīn. To proceed:

The foundational principle in such matters, my son, is the statement of the Prophet (ﷺ):

“O young men — whoever among you is able to provide for marriage, let him marry — for it lowers the gaze more effectively and is more protective of the private parts. And whoever is unable, let him fast — for fasting is a shield for him.” ¹

Early marriage is a good and commendable Sunnah. Your natural inclination toward this young woman and your desire to be joined with her within the framework of what Allah and His Messenger have made lawful is a legitimate desire — so long as it does not lead you to steal glances, seek forbidden seclusion (khalwah), or engage in romantic speech (mughāzalah) — all of which are impermissible at this stage, during which she remains a legal stranger (ajnabiyyah) to you and will continue to be so until the marriage contract is concluded.

Al-ʿAynī stated in ʿUmdat al-Qārī in his commentary on the ḥadīth of Barīrah and her separation from Mughīth after her emancipation:

“It is derived from this that there is no objection upon a Muslim man for desiring or loving a Muslim woman — whether this is apparent or hidden. There is no sin upon him in that, even if it is intense, so long as he does not commit something forbidden or engage in sin.” ²

Your family’s opposition to this desire goes against the foundational principle established in the Sunnah.

However, your family may have a point of view that deserves to be understood. They do not want you to be distracted from your educational future at this sensitive and critical stage of your academic journey. It is only a matter of a few months before you pass through this stage, my son — and whoever strives to be patient, Allah will grant him patience; and whoever strives for chastity, Allah will grant him chastity. ³

Do not lose your family’s support, and do not think of angering them or disobeying them — especially since the disagreement between you is not over the principle of marrying this young woman, but over the timing. If you are able to convince them through good and beautiful means of what you desire — then praise be to Allah, by Whose grace righteous works are brought to completion. If it turns out otherwise, practise patience and guard your chastity — and seek help through patience (ṣabr), prayer (ṣalāh), and supplication (duʿāʾ). ⁴ Your Lord is the Most Merciful of those who show mercy — and whatever is destined to come is near.

May Allah increase you in guidance (hudā), God-consciousness (taqwā), chastity (ʿafāf), and self-sufficiency (ghinā).

And Allah Most High knows best.

Footnotes

(1) Muttafaq ʿalayh — recorded by al-Bukhārī in Kitāb al-Nikāḥ, ḥadīth no. 5065; and by Muslim in Kitāb al-Nikāḥ, ḥadīth no. 1400 — on the authority of Ibn Masʿūd (may Allah be pleased with him).

(2) Al-Badr al-ʿAynī, ʿUmdat al-Qārī Sharḥ Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, under the commentary on the ḥadīth of Barīrah and Mughīth — recorded by al-Bukhārī in Kitāb al-Ṭalāq, ḥadīth no. 5283.

(3) Derived from the ḥadīth of Abū Saʿīd al-Khudrī (may Allah be pleased with him) — cited previously with full takhrīj; see Fatwa No. 15, footnotes (2 & 3).

(4) A reference to the Quranic verse: “And seek help through patience and prayer” (al-Baqarah 2:45).