Fatwa No. 18

Question:

I was speaking with my fiancée and said romantic words of love to her. Afterwards I apologised to her, saying that I had done something forbidden. She replied that she would soon be my wife. When I later met her, I reminded her of what she had said and asked her: “Did you believe that what I said was permissible?” She said: “No  it is forbidden during the engagement period.” Does her agreement with my romantic speech constitute a declaration of the forbidden as permissible (istiḥlāl)  and must she repent?

Answer:

Al-ḥamdu lillāhi rabb al-ʿālamīn. To proceed:

What you have described is of the nature of human weakness and you are the one who initiated it. Then you turned the table on her, burdening her with the consequences of the words and even elevated the matter to the level of unbelief (kufr) and declaring the forbidden permissible (istiḥlāl).

In any case, Allah  Glorified and Exalted   “If you two repent to Allah, then indeed your hearts have deviated. And if you cooperate against him — then indeed Allah is his protector, and Gabriel and the righteous of the believers and the angels, moreover, are his assistants.”  ¹ She has already expressed her intention to you — making clear that she did not mean that it was permissible. Do not burden this matter with more than it can bear.

Strive to ensure that your conversation with her is appropriate and with propriety (bi-l-maʿrūf). Know that the engaged woman remains a legal stranger (ajnabiyyah), and that engagement does not render the forbidden permissible in the relationship between the two parties. What is permitted is conversation with propriety only — flirtation (mughāzalah), seclusion (khalwah), and physical contact are not permissible, and likewise whatever resembles these.

If you both fall into weakness again, renew your repentance — for there is still a Merciful Lord who accepts the repentance of His servants and pardons evil deeds, as Allah — Exalted and Majestic — “And it is He who accepts repentance from His servants and pardons evil deeds, and He knows what you do.” ² And He extends His hand during the night so that the sinner of the day may repent, and extends His hand during the day so that the sinner of the night may repent.(3)

And Allah Most High knows best.

Footnotes (Takhrīj)

(1) Sūrat al-Taḥrīm (66:4)

(2) Sūrat al-Shūrā (42:25)

(3) Recorded by Muslim in Kitāb al-Dhikr wa-l-Duʿāʾ wa-l-Tawbah wa-l-Istighfār, chapter “The Recommendation of Seeking Forgiveness and Doing So Abundantly,” ḥadīth no. 2703 — on the authority of Abū Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said: the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:“Whoever repents before the sun rises from the west, Allah will accept his repentance.”And recorded also by Muslim in Kitāb al-Tawbah, chapter “The Acceptance of Repentance for Sins Even If They Are Repeated,” ḥadīth no. 2759 — on the authority of Abū Mūsā (may Allah be pleased with him), from the Prophet (ﷺ), who said:“Indeed, Allah extends His hand during the night so that the sinner of the day may repent, and extends His hand during the day so that the sinner of the night may repent — until the sun rises from the west.”