Fatwa No. 11

Question:

I am a person who fell in love with a young woman at university — I was in the fourth year and she was in the first. When we spoke, she asked me to formally propose to her family. However, I was arranging to travel abroad for further studies and was unable to do so, so I apologized. Before my departure she sent me a message asking when I was travelling  and from that day we began to communicate through calls and text messages. Our conversations were ordinary and without words of love or romantic expressions I would only ask her about her studies and her news, as I was in India and she was in Iraq. Upon completing my studies I was waiting to find employment and then propose to her, and she said: “I will wait for you.”

Time passed until our relationship became one of love  only through messages. She would say: “I love you,” and I likewise. During phone calls, however, shyness would overtake us. Then when I found employment and my family and I began the formal proceedings of the engagement and enquiry through family channels, she began saying: “You are a liar, you are fooling me, you do not want to propose to me  I hate you and I do not want you.”

Now the time has come when my sister is about to visit her sister to raise the matter  and she says she will not accept, and that I have ruined her life.

My question is: what do I do if she refuses? Have I not fallen victim to her?, and Allah is a witness to the truth of what I say , What is the sin incurred by me?

By Allah, I loved her and supplicated for her well-being, and she likewise — but what happened, only Allah knows. Thanks.

Answer:

Al-ḥamdu lillāhi rabb al-ʿālamīn. To proceed:

There is no place for a private relationship between a man and a woman outside the framework of the marital bond or the bond of unmarriageability (maḥramiyyah). What took place between you of emotionally charged correspondence that was not governed by the controls of the pure Islamic law  it is from the ill-omen of that communication that this outcome has resulted.

In any case, Allah accepts the repentance of His servants and pardons evil deeds  as Allah  Exalted and Majestic  “And it is He who accepts repentance from His servants and pardons evil deeds”  Sūrat al-Shūrā (42:25).¹

Approach her  through the  Sharia-compliant pathway,and be gentle in understanding her position and in presenting your excuse to her. If she accepts you as a suitor, that is good and blessed  (bi-hā wa-niʿmat). If not, perhaps Allah will give her someone better than you, and give you someone better than her.

And Allah Most High knows best.