Question:
What is the ruling on thinking about a particular young man and wishing to marry him given that there is no contact between us and no kinship relation? He is simply a friend of my cousin. We do not know each other. He is a young man of righteousness, religious commitment, and good character, and he is currently looking for a wife.
Answer:
Al-ḥamdu lillāhi rabb al-ʿālamīn. To proceed:
Allah Most High has pardoned this ummah for whatever the soul whispers to itself , so long as it is not acted upon or spoken of as established by the ḥadīth of the Messenger of Allah (.¹
However, I fear that such thoughts may lead you toward something that displeases Allah Exalted and Majestic.
Shaykh Ibn ʿUthaymīn (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
“A person may hear about a woman that she is of noble character and knowledge, and desire to marry her and likewise she may hear about a man that he is of noble character, knowledge, and religion, and desire him. However, the communication between two people who are drawn toward one another through other than a lawful channel this is the calamity; it is the severing of necks and the breaking of backs”²
For the mere desire of a man to marry a righteous woman about whom he has heard good, or the desire of a woman to marry a righteous man about whom she has heard good, is in itself not objectionable. The concern lies in what this desire may lead to by way of the footsteps of Shayṭān such as forbidden romantic exchanges(flirtation) and correspondence(mughāzalāt wa-murāsalāt muḥarramah), or a meeting in seclusion and suspicion for this is the prohibited act that displeases Allah and His Messenger. Indeed, even if this desire were to intensify to the level of strong attachment and deep love, there is in itself no objection but rather in what it leads to.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) says:
“If love arises through a cause that is not forbidden, the person is not to be blamed such as one who used to love his wife or his slave-woman, then parted from her while the love remained inseparable from him. Such a person is not blamed for that. And likewise, if one looks with a sudden glance (naẓrat fujāʾah) then lowers his gaze, yet love has taken hold of his heart without his choosing he is not blamed for that. However, he is obligated to resist it and turn it away.” ³
Beware the snares and traps of Shayṭān, and ask Allah Exalted and Majestic to decree for you what is good wherever it may be, and to make you content with it. It is better for you to occupy your free time with the remembrance of Allah (dhikr) and reflection upon the verses of Allah, and to reduce periods of solitude as much as you are able.
And Allah Most High knows best.
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Footnotes :
(1) Muttafaq ʿalayh — al-Bukhārī no. 5269; Muslim no. 127 — on the authority of Abū Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him).
(2) Shaykh Muḥammad ibn Ṣāliḥ al-ʿUthaymīn (may Allah have mercy on him). See Majmūʿ Fatāwā wa-Rasāʾil Ibn ʿUthaymīn, in the chapters on marriage and gender relations.
(3) Ibn al-Qayyim al-Jawziyyah, Rawḍat al-Muḥibbīn wa-Nuzhāt al-Mushtāqīn, pp. 148–149, Dār al-Kutub al-ʿIlmiyyah edition.
