Question:

I am a religiously committed young woman, though my family is not. I wish for  a righteous young man as husband and I fear that no one suitable will come forward to propose. A young man caught my attention on Telegram  during a religious lesson I opened his profile picture and became attached to him. What should I do?

Answer:

Al-ḥamdu lillāhi rabb al-ʿālamīn. To proceed:

We do not know whether this young man wishes to marry or not — nor, if he does wish to marry and were to see you, whether harmony would exist between you or not. For the Prophet (ﷺ) said:

“Souls are like recruited soldiers — those that recognise one another come together, and those that do not drift apart.” ¹

And Allah — Exalted and Majestic — said:

“Indeed, that is in a Record. Indeed, that is easy for Allah.” (al-Ḥajj 22:70)

Shaykh al-Islām [Ibn Taymiyyah] said: “As for what has been narrated  that it is written upon every private part who will marry it  this is not authentic, nor is it of the nature of the Prophet’s speech (ﷺ). However, there is no doubt that Allah Most High has written everything that servants will do before they do it — that is with Him. And it is established that Allah commands the angel to record for the servant everything he will do before the soul is breathed into him.” ²

Notwithstanding the above, there is in principle no objection to a woman presenting herself to a righteous man and proposing herself to him for marriage  whether directly, without seclusion, suspicion, or softness of speech  or through one of her relatives  and of course after consultation (mashwarah) and istikhārah.

Imām al-Qurṭubī stated in his commentary on the verse:

“Indeed, I wish to marry you to one of , my two daughters” (al-Qaṣaṣ 28:27):

“In this verse there is an indication of the permissibility of a guardian presenting his daughter to a man  and this is an established Sunnah: the righteous man of Madyan presented his daughter to the righteous man of the Children of Israel; ʿUmar ibn al-Khaṭṭāb presented his daughter Ḥafṣah to Abū Bakr and ʿUthmān; and the woman who offered herself for maraige to the Prophet (ﷺ). It is therefore commendable for a man to present his  female relative under his guardianship, and for a woman to present herself, to a righteous man — following the example of the righteous predecessors.” ³

Al-Bukhārī narrates on the authority of Ibn ʿUmar (may Allah be pleased with them both)  that ʿUmar ibn al-Khaṭṭāb, when Ḥafṣah bint ʿUmar was widowed from Khunays ibn Ḥudhāfah al-Sahmī  a Companion of the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) who had witnessed Badr and died in Madinah  said: “I met ʿUthmān ibn ʿAffān and offered him Ḥafṣah, saying: ‘If you wish, I will marry  Ḥafṣah bint ʿUmar to you .’ He said: ‘I will consider the matter.’ I waited a few nights, then he said: ‘It has appeared to me that I should not marry at this present time.’ Then I met Abū Bakr al-Ṣiddīq and said: ‘If you wish, I will marry  Ḥafṣah bint ʿUmar to you.’ Abū Bakr remained silent and gave me no reply  and I felt more aggrieved with him than with ʿUthmān. After few nights, the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) proposed to her and I gave her to him in marriage. Then Abū Bakr met me and said: ‘Perhaps you felt aggrieved with me when you offered me Ḥafṣah and I gave you no reply?’ I said: ‘Yes.’ He said: ‘Nothing prevented me from replying to your offer except that I had come to know that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) had mentioned her  and I would not disclose the secret of the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ). Had he left her, I would have accepted.'” ⁴

And in the story of the Prophet’s (ﷺ) marriage to Khadījah bint Khuwaylid (may Allah be pleased with her) there is a further indication of this principle. She was a resolute and intelligent woman, and also wealthy, with multiple trading businesses  and the men of her people were eager to marry her. She did not conduct her trade personally but employed men to manage her wealth for her. When news of the Trustworthy and Truthful one (ﷺ) reached Khadījah and she heard much of his honesty and integrity, she wished to hire him to work in her trade. She sent someone to propose this to him, and the Prophet (ﷺ) agreed. He set out with her wealth on a trading journey, accompanied by her servant Maysarah, who witnessed remarkable signs during the journey and reported them all to his mistress Khadījah. Among these: when the Prophet (ﷺ) arrived at Buṣrā in Syria and rested beneath a tree, a monk said to Maysarah: “No one has ever rested beneath this tree but a prophet.” And Maysarah would see two angels shading the Prophet (ﷺ) when the heat of the sun became intense. The Prophet (ﷺ) returned from that journey and Khadījah’s trade had multiplied manifold in profit. Khadījah was profoundly impressed by the Prophet’s person and wished to marry him — so she sent her friend Nafīsah bint Manyah to present the matter to the Prophet (ﷺ), and he agreed. The marriage of Khadījah was then conducted by her father Khuwaylid  according to the soundest of the narrations, as the biographers have noted. ⁵

In the end, be content with what Allah has apportioned for you. If this matter is not decreed for you, turn your gaze away from it. Despair is one of the two forms of relief — as the poet said:

You will never find a weariness like the expectation of the disappointed and exhausted. ⁶

In despair lies one of the two forms of relief for the one who loves — though one of the two forms of relief is itself a kind of torment. ⁷

And Allah Most High knows best.

Footnotes (Takhrīj)

(1) Agreed upon  recorded by al-Bukhārī and Muslim — on the authority of Abū Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him).

(2) Ibn Taymiyyah, Majmūʿ al-Fatāwā, in the chapters on divine decree (qadar). The statement addresses the inauthentic narration sometimes cited regarding the predetermination of marital unions.

(3) Al-Qurṭubī, al-Jāmiʿ li-Aḥkām al-Qurʾān, under the commentary on al-Qaṣaṣ 28:27.

(4) Recorded exclusively by al-Bukhārī — on the authority of Ibn ʿUmar (may Allah be pleased with them both).

(5) The account of Khadījah’s proposal through Nafīsah bint Manyah is recorded in the major sīrah works: Ibn Hishām, al-Sīrah al-Nabawiyyah (1/187–189); Ibn Saʿd, al-Ṭabaqāt al-Kubrā (1/131–133); and Ibn Kathīr, al-Bidāyah wa-l-Nihāyah (2/295–297).

(6 & 7) Two verses of classical Arabic poetry on the theme of despair as relief, widely cited in classical adab literature. Cited here as poetic wisdom, not as aḥādīth.