Question:

I am a young man who has proposed to a young woman. What is the ruling on sending her a message on Facebook or WhatsApp to maintain an ongoing relationship? Is love before marriage forbidden? I am in need of guidance, respected Sheikh. May Allah reward you with goodness.

Answer:

Al-ḥamdu lillāhi rabb al-ʿālamīn. To proceed:

Engagement(khitbah) does not render permissible what is otherwise forbidden in the relationship between the engaged  couple. The fiancée remains a legal stranger (ajnabiyyah) to her fiancé — the same rulings that apply to all marriageable women apply to her, including the prohibition of flirting (mughāzalah), physical contact,  seclusion (khalwah), and the  alike. Nothing is exempted in interacting with her except

looking at her — so that the prospective husband may ascertain her suitability for marriage .

Any conversation during the engagement period is only permissible if it is conducted in a proper, customary manner (Bi-al-Ma’ruf), without flirting or soft/seductive speech (Khudoo’ bi-al-qawl). Anything you would feel ashamed to say to her in front of her male guardians (Mahrams) is not permissible to say to her in private communication during this stage.

As for your question regarding love before marriage, I would like to point out that pure, natural human feelings are not themselves subject to accountability.Rather, accountability attaches to what leads to them, and to the words and actions that result from them. As for the pure emotion itself, there is no sin in it. Al-Badr al-‘Ayni stated in his commentary on Sahih al-Bukhari (‘Umdat al-Qari), while addressing the lessons derived from the story of Bareerah and Mugheeth (the fifth lesson):There is no sin upon a Muslim for desiring or loving a Muslim woman, whether that love is manifested or hidden; he incurs no sin for it, even if it becomes overwhelming, as long as he does not commit a forbidden act or engage in sin.” (1)

However, responsibility lies in the prior conduct that invited such feelings—such as stealing glances, verbal flirting, or private  conversations—as well as the subsequent acts that result from it, such as deeming permissible what belongs exclusively between spouses.

I advise you, my son, to fear Allah Almighty. If you fear your Lord during this period and restrain yourself from what is not permissible to you, Allah will bless this relationship for both of you and allow you to enjoy it when each of you becomes lawful to the other. Do not be hasty, for everything that is destined to come is near. And Allah Almighty knows best.

And Allah Most High knows best.

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Footnotes (Takhrīj):

(1) Al-Badr al-ʿAynī, ʿUmdat al-Qārī Sharḥ Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, under the ḥadīth of Barīrah and Mughīth — al-Bukhārī in Kitāb al-Ṭalāq no. 5283.